Me: It seems like you’ve used grades to lower your self-esteem.
Them: Yeah. I think I have.
Me: Yes. And the first step is realizing that grades aren’t inherently about your worth; they’re about your ability to do the work between 2020 and 2025. Sure, when you applied for co-op jobs on WaterlooWorks, grades mattered, but now you have just one term left. Once you leave school, their significance fades.
Them: It’s over. Yes. I know.
Me: Exactly. Once you’re out, the emphasis on grades diminishes drastically. Of course, they mattered for co-op placements, but think about it—what was the co-op really about? After graduation, you’re free. You earned a CS degree from Waterloo. That’s your accomplishment, your victory. Let it stand there.
You know, I also struggled with grades, felt terrible about them at times. But often, it was because I wasn’t fully committed—I was, in a way, sabotaging myself. Realizing that didn’t magically fix things, but it helped me see that a bad grade didn’t define my worth. It’s crucial to have a sense of self-preservation, to understand that your self-esteem can and should survive setbacks.
Them: You don’t have to convince me right now.
Me: Wait, I think I have the perfect quote for this.
Them: A perfect quote?
Me: Yes, perfect. Grades represent just one way to measure ourselves against something challenging. By enrolling at Waterloo, you intentionally chose something hard. These courses were challenges you committed yourself to tackle.
Them: Yeah.
Me: And, maybe, in some sense, we didn’t fully achieve what we aimed for.
Them: Yeah, maybe we didn’t.
Me: But not achieving a perfect outcome doesn’t mean we didn’t accomplish anything. Maybe you didn’t follow through exactly how you envisioned, but you still did something genuinely difficult. For myself, by my last terms, I consciously mellowed—I wasn’t aiming for the 90s anymore. Feeling bad didn’t make sense because I adjusted my goals.
The core point is this: confidence grows when you follow through on hard things, even imperfectly. Grades were just one example. But there are infinitely many difficult things in the world you can commit yourself to. Each one is an opportunity to build your confidence anew.
Them: Actually, that’s really helpful. Seeing it as infinitely many hard things helps a lot. Thanks—that genuinely helped.
Me: You’re welcome. It’s easy to spiral, but remembering this can ground you.
transcript of a call with Man